The Wounds we Choose

Back from a long hiatus - I started reading A Generous Orthodoxy by McLaren again, and it puts me in the mood to rant. It is one of the few books I've read that I feel unable to rush through. I put the book down a few times every chapter to absorb what he's saying - it is so far removed from anything anyone's ever said in my Christian upbringing, yet the book has so much truth, that I have to take it slow to avoid turning that blind see-what-I-want eye to his words.

Anyways, I had an interesting realization recently in a conversation I was having - we are quick to be rude to people when they won't ever know, we are quick to cut down in little ways that can be veiled as a joke, but often (at least in my family) it is utterly wrong to have a true disagreement.

I'm so frustrated by this, because I feel like the things that are harmful we allow, and the things that let us really be ourselves and be comfortable and honest with each other are quenched.

A commenter on a blog I frequent said that a forum is properly moderated if everything is allowed except impoliteness. I have to say that sounds true, and often we behave the exact opposite. Polite disagreement is an intrinsic part of authentic connection, while I think rudeness, things like talking about someone behind their back, shunning a waiter, doing little things that tilt convenience slightly in our favor at the expense of someone else - all of these are quite accepted.

It's backwards. I hope to have a happy disagreement with some people in the near future. I hope I learn to do it politely and in a way that allows more honesty, and doesn't make anybody feel devalued. Also, I hope to make a bigger point of going out of my way so other people don't have to, and having a general attitude of valuing others more.